MY BACK PAGES

Ogni tanto rileggo le pagine passate di questo blog. Mi fa strano in un periodo come questo andare a ripescare me stesso di uno, due, tre anni fa. Già tre anni. Da non credere. Lo so, questo blog non lo sto più aggiornando. Ma io ci sono sempre, sono solo un po’ nascosto. Agli altri ma anche a me stesso. Diciamo che è un concetto complicato, ve lo spiego un’altra volta.

Rileggermi mi fa strano, ma mi fa piacere in fondo. Innanzi tutto il piacere narcisistico, fin troppo ovvio, di apprezzare me stesso a distanza. Ma poi c’è il gusto sottile di andare a ripescare com’ero, cosa pensavo. Eh sì, in questi mesi di assenza sono cambiato: i problemi di oggi mi stanno rendendo più cupo e realista, triste, ma certamente più adulto.

My back pages. Mi frulla in mente questo titolo da dare al post. E mi frulla in testa anche la canzone, anche se in me ora non c’è la spensieratezza di quelle note. E il senso è letteralmente opposto: ora sono più vecchio e stanco che mai.

Crimson flames tied through my ears
Rollin' high and mighty traps
Pounced with fire on flaming roads
Using ideas as my maps
"We'll meet on edges, soon," said I
Proud 'neath heated brow.
Ah, but I was so much older then,
I'm younger than that now.

Half-wracked prejudice leaped forth
"Rip down all hate," I screamed
Lies that life is black and white
Spoke from my skull. I dreamed
Romantic facts of musketeers
Foundationed deep, somehow.
Ah, but I was so much older then,
I'm younger than that now.

Girls' faces formed the forward path
From phony jealousy
To memorizing politics
Of ancient history
Flung down by corpse evangelists
Unthought of, though, somehow.
Ah, but I was so much older then,
I'm younger than that now.

A self-ordained professor's tongue
Too serious to fool
Spouted out that liberty
Is just equality in school
"Equality," I spoke the word
As if a wedding vow.
Ah, but I was so much older then,
I'm younger than that now.

In a soldier's stance, I aimed my hand
At the mongrel dogs who teach
Fearing not that I'd become my enemy
In the instant that I preach
My pathway led by confusion boats
Mutiny from stern to bow.
Ah, but I was so much older then,
I'm younger than that now.

Yes, my guard stood hard when abstract threats
Too noble to neglect
Deceived me into thinking
I had something to protect
Good and bad, I define these terms
Quite clear, no doubt, somehow.
Ah, but I was so much older then,
I'm younger than that now.